Espionage Ain't Easy
by thechrysalids
Summary: So maybe kissing the heir to one of the world's largest conglomerates in the middle of a mission wasn't the best idea, but Mercedes was killing that dress and it's not like anyone noticed, right? Samcedes, Spy AU.
1. Chapter 1

**In all honesty I wrote this while watching Shrek, because why not.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own glee, if I did I wouldn't have squandered perfectly good character development.**

* * *

 **MERCEDES**

"Ok, all comms are secure, over." Becky's voice chimed over the miniature microphone in Mercedes' ear. One by one, Quinn, Santana, Kurt and Mercedes tested their units with a quick mention of their respective codenames.

"Queenie, this is Q, testing comms."

"This is Snixx incoming."

"Porcelain is present."

"Wheezy has landed, Queenie, and the ground team is entering the party, out."

Mercedes adjusted the skirt of her gown and scanned the area slowly, taking note of all exits and potential rendezvous points. She locked eyes with Quinn, who nodded her assent.

"All right team," the blonde squad leader spoke lowly, "Let's go, Snixx and Porcelain, you'll monitor the east side of the ballroom, Wheezy and I will cover the west. If the Zarina diamonds are going to be stolen, it's **not** happening tonight. Mingle but stay uninvolved, are we clear on our covers?" The spies gave the affirmative and split up.

"Quinn, I forget, what's this gala for anyway?" Mercedes asked while snagging two glasses of champagne from a waiter's tray.

"No real names in the field, _Amber!_ " Mercedes rolled her eyes at the chastising and took a sip from her champagne flute, locating the Zarina around the neck of Princess Agatha. "Anyway, it's for Alzheimer's, so try not to…" She trailed off at the look on Mercedes' smug face.

"Forget? I wouldn't dream of it, Diana." Mercedes giggled.

"Just awful. Literally the worst joke I have ever heard." Quinn snorted and took a deep gulp of her drink.

"What's the worst joke you've ever heard?" A deep voice asked. Mercedes bristled and felt Quinn tense near her, whoever this person was, treaded extremely lightly, light enough to sneak up on both Quinn and Mercedes, which was quite a feat if they were being honest. Quinn, who lived and breathed espionage was the first to recover.

"Trust me, it isn't that funny. A little…inappropriate to be completely honest with you, Mr.?"

The stranger – handsome and tall – now that Mercedes was paying attention, stuck his hand out immediately, green eyes full of humor. "Samuel, Samuel Evans. Purveyor of terrible comedy, so it's literally my livelihood to hear aforementioned joke." Quinn gave a breezy fake laugh and shook his hand. Mercedes stayed silent and took in their conversation partner, _for a possible threat of course,_ she told herself and if her gaze happened to linger on his abnormally large lips, well, whose business would that be? She tuned out Quinn's small talk and skimmed through the gala crowd, taking note of the attendees, mentally listing each celebrity's and socialite's laundry list of misgivings; _money laundering, affair, affair, extortion, mob ties, affair_. Briefly she met eyes with Santana who seemed to be doing her level best to convince the French ambassador's daughter to disappear upstairs with her. Kurt was nowhere to be seen, which was probably a good thing; at least one of the team's members was laying low.

"…Amber?" Mercedes turned to see Samuel and Quinn staring at her questioningly. Quinn gave her partner a miniscule nod and in reply Mercedes gave her biggest socialite smile, "Of course!" she laughed. Samuel offered his bent arm to her with a smile of his own, "Shall we?".

 _Of course. OF FUCKING COURSE? What the hell Quinn, what happened to staying uninvolved? Dancing isn't uninvolved, Q!_ Quinn grabbed Mercedes' dangling champagne glass out of her hand and excused herself, dropping a flimsy excuse of needing to greet an acquaintance across the ballroom. "It was nice meeting you Diana." Sam said. Quinn parted with a wholly unnecessary "take care of Amber please!" before slipping into the crowd. ' _Oh now you wanna be a spy? Fine, disappear then. I'll get rid of Evans myself._ ' Mercedes thought to herself as she tucked her hand into the crook of his arm.

"So how good of a dancer are you Samuel? Because I have no intention of getting my feet stepped on in these shoes."

"Sam, please. I'm more than adequate but I must say, I'm surprised you agreed despite the fact that you had no idea what Diana and I were talking about." Sam laughed at the look she gave him, "Yeah, I noticed. You two are good, but I like to think I'm great at picking up queues."

 _Observant and light-footed? This man might be trouble, best give him his dance and get the hell out of dodge._

"Well, we've worked out quite the system. Diana and I are best friends." _Not a lie but not the whole truth._ In reality Quinn and Mercedes were practically sisters, orphaned at a young age and taken into C.H.E.E.R.I.O.S at the tender age of 14. The Covert Highly Effective Espionage Reconnaissance Intelligence Operations Service had been good to them, well as good as an international spy agency run by Sue Sylvester could be to a couple of teenagers with nothing.

Together Sam and Mercedes made their way onto the dance floor. He held her close and they slipped into an easy rhythm. "So how do you two know each other?" Mercedes swayed to the violins swelling from the band on stage and kept her eyes trained just over Sam's shoulder, feigning interest in the woman singing lowly on stage. "Why? If you wanted to get to know Diana better, you should've asked her to dance." She met his eyes and was shocked at the sharpness of his gaze, he looked at her like he was trying to memorize every detail of her face.

 **SAM**

Sam was trying to memorize every detail of this woman's face. He didn't know her, that was for sure, her name was on the guest-list, it had to be, but he's never seen her in the papers, or at any other gala his family had hosted and he'd certainly never seen her in the Hamptons during the summer. If he had, he would've introduced himself a hell of a lot sooner. Well, whoever Amber Riley was, she was wearing the hell out of her dress.

"Maybe I want to get to know **you** better. So? You and Diana?" She met his eyes, smiling absently, white teeth framed by soft looking lips. "Diana and I attended boarding school together. Saint Joseph's Catholic School for Girls. We've been close ever since." Sam wasn't familiar with the school but it didn't matter, as soon as the words left her lips, Sam's traitorous mind conjured the image of Amber in a sinfully short plaid skirt and a nearly see through white blouse. ' _I am a terrible person'_ He'd thought to himself trying to will away the flush rising to his cheeks. Luckily, Amber's eyes were elsewhere, scanning the ballroom. "Are you looking for someone?" He called her attention and pulled her closer, securing her to the line of his chest. Amber laughed and shook her head. "Of course not, you have my full attention Sam." Despite the feeling that she was placating him, his chest swelled with pride, he had her attention, if only for a little while.

"Good, because I am thoroughly enjoying dancing with you." He spinned her with flourish and when he brought her back into their original position she smiled again. _'Good. Keep her smiling Sam.'_

"So I haven't seen you around, are you new to New York?"

"NYC is a big place, maybe we just don't run in the same circles."

"It's big, but it ain't that big darlin', I would've remembered you." Amber raises an eyebrow at the pet name but let it slide.

"I suppose. I'm from L.A., Diana and I just moved into Bridgehampton for the summer. We're not sure how long we'll stay." Sam's face lit up at that.

"Well you'll have to let me show you around. California's got nothing on the West Coast."

"Now, hold on a minute! I'll have you know, L.A. is pretty damn nice, besides from what I've seen, you New Yorkers are pretty stuck up." Amber sniped, eyes narrowed and critical.

"I don't know what you've seen but I can show you myself just how lax New Yorkers can be." Feeling bold, Sam slipped his hands a little lower on Amber's waist.

 **MERCEDES**

Mercedes was taken aback, this man knew what he was doing and he wasn't afraid to do it.

"Oh? What'd you have in mind?" So maybe this wasn't exactly apart of the mission, but Sam Evans was the heir to the Evans Conglomerate Empire, he could very well be in danger. And sure, Sue had said they were there to protect the Princess and her half billion-dollar necklace but it would be just plain irresponsible to not be **sure** Sam – Mr. Evans – was safe.

"Maybe we should go somewhere a little more private, Ms. Riley?" Mercedes nearly asked who the hell Ms. Riley was before remembering that it was in fact her cover identity's last name.

"Somewhere more private? No one's looking now…" Mercedes was playing with fire now, knowing damn well at least one of her team members had eyes on her. _'Who the hell cares, the last time I had fun like this was three years ago in Ibiza, Sue owes me.'_ Besides Santana was God knows where, doing God knows what and there was no doubt Quinn and Kurt were on top of things.

Sam's eyes flickered down to her lips for a moment, just long enough for Mercedes to guess what he'd do next. He lowered his head and met her lips in one fluid movement. His hands left her hips to cup her face and deepen the kiss. Mercedes gave as good as she got and took control of the kiss, sliding her tongue along the seam of Sam's lips, asking for permission to enter.

"The Zarina's been taken, I repeat, the Zarina is missing." Kurt's voice blasted clear through Mercedes' haze. She snapped back and withdrew from Sam, covering her mouth.

"Goddamn it Porcelain, what happened?" Quinn's irritated voice came next.

"Shit." Mercedes muttered under her breath.

"What is it?" Sam's face was contorted in confusion, hands out where Mercedes' face had been.

"I-I need to go."

"You're really gonna Cinderella me right now?"

"I'm so sorry Sam. But I'll see you later okay?" She lied smoothly, turning and speaking lowly into her comms, "Porcelain, where are you?" Kurt answered rapid-fire, "Securing Princess Agatha, Snixx is in pursuit of the thief, she ducked through the kitchen. Q, Wheezy, take the service exit and corner them outside." Mercedes fled the ballroom, ignoring Sam's calls. She ran through the crowds of gala attendees and slipped around the waiters milling about the service exit before being enveloped in the warm summer night in the alley behind the event hall.

"Wheezy, over there!" Quinn yelled to her over the squealing of tires. Santana grabbed the gun from her thigh holster and shot multiple times at the back doors and tires of the black van peeling away, but to no avail.

"Fuck!" Santana yelled watching the car speed away, Quinn covered her eyes with both hands and walked briskly back and forth before speaking into the comms with gritted teeth. "Queenie this is Q, we lost the Zarina, We'll be ready for pickup in ten."

"Nice going losers!" Becky shouted into the comms, prompting Santana to rip it out, while cursing in quick Spanish. Kurt bound out of the service exit, face flushed and disappointed.

"Sue's going to kill us."

Mercedes hung her head. So much for being on top of things.

o-o-o

"So let me get this straight? Somehow the four of you were all busy doing something other than the job I specifically put you there to do?!" Sue slammed her hands on her desk.

"Sue, I take full responsibility for this. My squad did their best, and while we did fail our original mission, the Zarina will be recovered." Quinn replied, face blank and back ramrod straight.

"Really Q? Is that before or after it's sold on the black market to what I can only assume will be the world most dangerous drag queen?" Quinn opened her mouth but Sue cut her off. "Don't answer that. You are all just lucky Sandbags here could identify the criminal, now we've got him and his little gang's info. Becky!" Behind Sue, pictures of three men came up on the screen. Santana explained, "The one with the Mohawk was the getaway driver, the Asian stole the necklace right off the girl's neck and the blond, provided the opportunity." Mercedes took slow inventory of each picture and cursed out loud. She'd been played. Sam Evans was part of the heist. He couldn't have known Quinn and her were there for the Zarina, but she'd be damned if she'd let him best her and her team, whether he knew it or not.

Besides, he owed her a real NYC tour.

* * *

 **I will literally write a one shot for the first person to mention the Archer reference in this story. I love that show so much ugh! I love to make Mercedes swear tbh. Anyhoo, Mercedes' dress is the one Amber Riley wore to the 2016 NAACP Image awards, Santana's is Naya Rivera's dress from the 2012 SAG awards and Quinn's is Diana Argon's 2011 Golden Globes Dress. Why is that important? It's not, I just love evening gowns. I might write more of this, I might not, depends on whether the mood strikes. Reviews are love!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Well I guess I'm continuing this lmao, the mood struck. Eh my writing schedule is beyond hectic, as readers of Missed You can testify. WARNING: there's a flashback with violence in it, so if that isn't your game, skip the paragraph that's italicized. Anyhoo I don't own glee blah blah don't sue me.**

* * *

 **MERCEDES**

"I just can't believe I was too busy trying to get to know that con, in the biblical sense, to keep my eyes on any suspicious characters." Mercedes kept her gun pointed downwards and slid out the empty magazine. Santana laughed out loud and unstrapped her thigh holsters, "and all along Lisa Rinna was the most sus of them all." Mercedes shook her head, dropping the magazine to the ground, definitely not proper protocol but who was watching?

Quinn scooped it up before it could hit the ground, "Not protocol Cedes, but you knew that." _Of course Quinn was watching._

"Right, my bad."

Quinn nodded. "Anyway, your distraction on our mission actually serves a purpose."

"Now that the mission was botched."

"Santana! _Now_ , Mercedes, you have an in. Clearly Evans is interested in you," Quinn ignored Santana repeat 'clearly' and continued on as if she never spoke. "so you and I can get into his inner circle. Kurt and San will have to stay in surveillance since his accomplices might recognize them. Sue's given us full reign over this thankfully, so we'll only need to check in with Becky in HQ once a week."

"Which is total bullshit by the way, I wants to live in the fancy Bridgehampton house too. It isn't my fault Evan's friends got a little too close for comfort." Santana complained, slamming her locker closed. Quinn rolled her eyes, turned to lean against her locker, and levelled Santana with a stare that screamed _'I am the captain of this squad and I won't be challenged.'_

Mercedes decided to step in, "Santana relax, I talked it over with Sue, you and Kurt will be stationed in a house not far from us, for rendezvous reasons."

"Good."

"All right, first order of business. Our covers stay the same obviously, Santana in the event our paths do cross, _which they shouldn't,_ You'll resume being Naya and Kurt remains as Chris. Cedes, this is your mission phone, you know the drill, cover contact only." Quinn slipped a sleek rose gold IPhone into her hand. At Mercedes' dubious look, Quinn shrugged, "Sue's gone all out, after all, we're supposed to high society types, and they don't use burner flip phones." Mercedes went to put the phone in her pant pocket, when Quinn stopped her and took it from her hand.

"What?" Quinn looked away, eyes almost guilty. Santana laughed out loud and turned towards the showers.

"You've got to call him first Mercedes. Let him know you want your tour." _God._ Quinn typed the number in and pressed dial before sliding it back to Mercedes.

"Remind me to murder you."

"No one told you to fraternize."

Mercedes pouted but held the phone to her ear. Quinn was right, but it wasn't like she would tell her as much.

"Hello?" Sam's voice rang clear on the other side, and for a moment Mercedes felt a small tickle in her stomach, same as when she kissed him, but she reigned it in. _You're officially a spy again Jones, get a fucking grip._

"Hi Sam. It's Amber, y'know from the Alzheimer's Gala." _Yeah, the girl who rocked your damn world, then ditched you to chase down your thieving besties._

"Ah, Cinderella. I was worried I'd never hear from you again, especially since you didn't leave a shoe for me to find you with." Mercedes laughed despite herself. Sam was cute no doubt, but if he was the brains behind the heist she couldn't afford to lose her head.

"You know, you're lucky you left the gala early, apparently Princess Agatha's necklace was stolen." Mercedes pulled the phone away and shook her head at the heavens, ' _You don't say?'_ she thought before speaking again, feigning both intrigue and astonishment.

"Are you serious? That's awful. Is she alright? I've only ever seen that kind of stuff on tv, and that it can get really violent." Mercedes rolled her eyes, sure she was laying it on a bit thick, but he'd probably appreciate the whole "little woman" thing.

"No, she's fine. Said something about another party guest helping her out. Hey, how exactly did you get my number?"

"Please, Sam, you're all over New York Time's society page, it wasn't that hard to track you down."

"Ah the dreaded page six. Well, at least it's good for something. Look, I'm throwing a party in the Hampton's this weekend, how about you and Diana stop by?"

"Hmm, I don't know, I was really looking forward to that tour you promised me." _And the more private we get, the easier it'll be to find out just what the hell you're up to._

Sam chuckled, "How about we start with a tour of my place this Saturday during the party, then we can take on the city Sunday. That work for you?"

 _Piece of cake._

"Sounds good to me. See you Saturday."

* * *

 **SAM**

Sam ended the call and kicked his legs out in happiness.

"Fuck yeah!"

Puck swiveled around in his chair, "She say yes?"

Sam grinned and clapped his hands together. "Yeah, she'll be here Saturday."

"Nice man. So now you can focus on something else, maybe?" Puck tossed his phone to Sam, who snatched it deftly out of the air. Sam took in the picture and nodded to Puck.

"This is it, this is the next mark."

* * *

 **MERCEDES**

Mercedes' first night in the Bridgehampton house was less then peaceful. Without the familiar comfort of her own bed, she was plagued with night terrors of her training.

 _"What is your name?" The woman asks her in a low voice. Mercedes shivers, strapped to the chair and stripped down to her underwear. In theory this shouldn't be terrifying, she knows she can bow out when she truly wants to, C.H.E.E.R.I.O.S wanted to train her, not psychologically scar her, but in reality her current situation was fucking frightening. "What is your name?"_

 _"Agent."_

 ** _Wham._**

 _Mercedes' head snaps back with the force of the woman's punch, the chair under her rattles. Mercedes knows exactly what the woman wants to hear, but Sue had told her being an agent meant forsaking your identity, all of it, no matter what the cost. She had watched Quinn go through the same thing, her best friend, her sister had gotten the beating of her life and took it all with a smile on her face, later she had said, 'I've had worse.'_

 _The woman gave Mercedes three quick punches, rapid succession in the stomach, not waiting for her to catch her breath. The pain has her wheezing, and she stays bent over for a few seconds until her abuser wrenches her up by her hair._

 _"What is your name?" She hisses through white, perfectly straight teeth._

 _"AGENT." Mercedes groans, her throat thick. Fuck if she was gonna let this shit stop her. The orphanage beat the quitter out of her._

 _Stars explode behind her eyes with the impact of the woman's fist. This time Mercedes' nose starts bleeding. The copper taste fills her mouth and she spits to the side, staring at the small puddle of watery blood on the concrete floor._

 _This time the woman does not have to ask._

 _"My name is fucking Agent. And I can do this all day."_

 _Mercedes winks._

 _The woman smiles._

 _Another punch._

* * *

Despite her unwanted memories, Mercedes woke ready for her mission. Apparently Sam's house party was an all white affair.

Saturday night came and Mercedes decked herself out in a simple white long sleeve bodycon dress, cut just above the knee, while Quinn sported a halter top and high waist skinny jeans.

"Ready?" Quinn eyed Mercedes as the stood in front of Sam's door, music barely muted behind the large double door. Mercedes smiled and knocked twice.

"Born ready." The door swung open to reveal Sam, with a grin on his face. "Hey girls! Glad you could make it."

"Oh I wouldn't miss it, you look good Sam." Mercedes took in Sam's white blazer, t-shirt and jeans, returned his smile and let him sweep her into a quick hug.

"Compared to you two? I might as well be wearing a paper bag. Come on in, let me show you two around."

"Actually Sam, if you don't mind, could you tell me where the restroom is?" Quinn interjected, already breaking away from the little cluster in Sam's doorway. He pointed the way and offered to show her.

"It's fine, I'll just ask around if I get lost." Mercedes watch Quinn slide away so she could plant bugs around the blond heir's home.

"Amber, let me show _you_ around." Sam took her hand and led her through his maze of a house. Every corner seemed to be overflowing with New York's elites; beautiful models, young heirs and heiresses, socialites, singers, a few sons and daughters of politicians, all sharing in Sam's night of indulgence.

 _Speaking of indulgences…_

"Coke? Classy." Mercedes muttered, watching actress, Tina Cohen-Chang finish a line off a clear glass table.

"Nothing wrong with a little fun. Promise you won't tell on me?"

 _Not for the drugs._ "Of course not, what am I a cop?" _a classic cop saying, smooth move Cedes_. "Besides I've dabbled in a little fun myself."

"First of all that's what cops say. Second, I know, you're not the only one who can do a little deep page six diving. You and Diana were real wild in L.A." Mercedes raised an eyebrow, reasoning that she should probably shouldn't be so surprised, Kurt probably planted them.

"I know, but I've grown since then."

"And you and your boyfriend broke up?"

"My boyfriend?" _Way to brief me, Quinn._

"Oh c'mon, I think I've proved I can read, Amber. All those pictures of you and that dark haired dude? On the beach?"

"Oh my god! You mean J-" Sam cut her off by raising his hand, "I don't think I wanna know his name. Ignorance is bliss and all that."

Mercedes grinned in response, silently thanking God Sam cut her off out of jealousy. _'I nearly gave him Jesse's name. The last thing I need is for Sam to find out that beach wasn't even in Cali in the first place.'_

"Besides. He's on the East Coast and I'm here, with you, I think I've won this round." Drake began to pump through the house, the bass shaking the ground below Mercedes' feet. She leaned close to Sam whispering in his ear, "Hey, why don't you show me upstairs?"

 **SAM**

Sam nearly fist pumped in the air in victory. He felt like he was thirteen again, fumbling and making a fool of himself over a girl, albeit an extremely pretty girl, ' _with big brown eyes and a perfect smile and…I forget what I was even talking about.'._ As soon as Sam finished the thought, Amber circled her arm around his and beamed up at him, "So? What are you thinking?" Sam swallowed thickly and led her to the staircase that went up to his room. _'Man the fuck up Evans! She obviously interested. You and boys pull off major heists for fun! You should be able to handle the thought of a girl in your room. She isn't the first, so what's the big deal.'_ Sam knew what the big deal was. The big deal was that Amber was way more chill than any fresh to the scene debutante or heiress, and don't get Sam wrong, there isn't anything wrong with those girls – Sam used to love those girls – but now Amber's showed up and she…kind of fucked him up. _In a good way._ Sam rationalized as he opened the door to his room. _A very good way._

Sam couldn't help the way his eyes tracked Amber's body as she moved past him, travelled to his bed and plopped down in the middle, kicking off her shoes and wiggling her toes. She heaved a big sigh and settled back on her elbows.

Sam raised an eyebrow, "Comfortable?"

Amber laughed, "Very. Come here." She patted the empty space beside her and Sam was powerless to disobey her. Amber sidled into Sam's lap, and laid her small hands on his chest, meeting his eyes unabashedly. "Kiss me, Sam."

 _Fuck._

Sam threaded his hands in her hair, "You aren't like most girls are you?" Amber drew back, frowning, eyebrows furrowed.

"What's wrong with most girls?"

"Nothing! I just…nevermind, I'm being stupid." Amber's face stayed dubious and Sam wondered if he had really stepped in it.

"Yeah, you are, but I'll give you something better to do." Their lips crashed together roughly, and Sam's hands drift down to Amber's ass. Sam kissed down Amber's jaw to her neck, biting slowly. Amber moaned under Sam's ministrations and ground her hips into his.

 **MERCEDES**

Bzz.

Sam's hands slid up the opening of Mercedes' dress, rucking it up further than it had already been displaced. She nipped on his ear in response and hummed.

Bzz.

Mercedes felt a small vibration against her knee, and pulled back.

"Sam."

"Hmm?"

"Your phone is ringing."

"I don't have a phone." Sam murmured, bucking back into Mercedes, igniting a fire between her legs. For a second Mercedes considered letting it go, but was reined back in by the idea that she might hear something worthwhile.

 _Mercedes, you let him derail you once, don't let it happen again!_

"You should take that. C'mon," she reached behind her and pulled his arms off her. "It might be important."

Sam scoffed, mouth shiny with Mercedes' lip gloss, "I doubt it." Still he waited for Mercedes to rise from their position before snaking his phone out of his jean pocket.

"Sam here."

Mercedes laid back onto the bed, eyes closed. All in a day's work.

* * *

 **Couldn't help but input my secret ship St. Jones into this chapter. I love it in a "they hate each other, but they think the other is hot" kinda way, I might include a flashback of what happened between Jesse and Cedes in Ibiza, what do you guys think? Writing Mercy getting beat up was harder than I thought tbh, I love her :'( Remember reviews are love!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Just wanna start this by saying, I AM SO SORRY FOR THE UNANNOUNCED HIATUS! Your reviews make me want to write this story. Like I want it to come to fruition for you readers and your words of encouragement make me smile like a crazy person in public! That's why I came back! Ok enough gushing. Warning for St. Jones Explicit Content. I don't own glee or Jason Momoa, but I get by somehow, someway.**

* * *

 **MERCEDES**

"No! No, Dani, listen to me, if Phaedra Marks isn't at this auction, it isn't an event at all, so do whatever you have to, call her assistant, make her the honoured guest, put her name on the fucking invitation. I don't care what you do, just make sure she shows." Sam paced his room, speaking tersely into his phone. Mercedes stayed silent through his conversation, though it only lasted a few more minutes.

 _Phaedra Marks, The socialite-model? What does Sam want with her?_

Mercedes opened her eyes to see Sam sit by her, green eyes focused on her face.

"Phaedra Marks? And here I thought I was your favourite socialite." Mercedes pouted, not bothering to sit up. She knew it'd be smarter to play up the jealousy angle instead of questioning his motives. Sam rolled his eyes and looked off towards his bedroom window.

"Oh please, if Phaedra attends, all her little socialite and model friends will come and bid on art just to one up each other. Besides, if it makes you feel better, I'll stay right by your side all night. One hello to Phaedra is all it will take." Sam got off the bed and leaned over to enter her line of vision.

"Oh? I'm invited to this auction?" Mercedes flipped onto her stomach and cocked her head to the left.

Sam grabbed her chin and kissed her lightly.

"Not only are you invited, I want you to be my date. What do you think?" Mercedes placed her hands on his face and stared into his eyes, seeing nervousness in the clear green.

"Why not? Sounds like it'll be fun. Besides I heard Phaedra Marks is a real party animal. Might be cool to meet her." Sam chuckled lowly and kissed her once more.

"Great. Now…where were we?"

Mercedes grinned, "Something about the stock market perhaps?" Sam laughed along and covered her mouth with his.

* * *

 **SAM**

Sam watched Amber and Diana pull away in their car before heading back inside to round up the rest of the party goers. Puck meandered over and slung an arm around his shoulder, breath smelling beer-sour.

"You have a good night bro?"

"Great night," A girl with fiery red hair stumbled out of the room Puck had just been in, followed by another with pale skin, followed by a guy with freckles smattering his face. "But not as great as yours apparently. Experimenting again Puckerman?" Puck laughed and waved the trio goodnight.

"Hey Sammy, fun is fun, whether it's got a dick or a pussy." He tapped Sam's nose with his index finger. "Besides if you add all three of 'em together you get the perfect Irish…person." Sam shook his head and pushed Puck off of him. "You are...certifiably insane. Sober up, we have work tomorrow morning and I want to get it done as fast as possible."

Puck gave a sloppy salute and what sounded like a garbled 'Aye Aye Cap'n' before falling on top of a body that resembled an unconscious Blaine Anderson.

Sam called a cab for Tina, Unique and Marley assuming they would all just sleep it off at Tina's where they were least likely to be questioned on their whereabouts. After a few more cabs and draping blankets over Mike and the Puckerman/Anderson pile he slinked his way back up the stairs to a woefully empty bed. When he flopped down face first into his pillows he caught the lightest whiff of Amber's perfume. The scent had him smiling like a fucking dope.

 _I'm fucked._ Sam thought to himself and slipped into unconsciousness.

* * *

 **MERCEDES**

"Jesse, Q? _Really?_ " Mercedes didn't look at her partner as their car sped away from Sam's home. Quinn laughed out loud, head thrown back, carefree. Quinn rarely looked like this, but the mission was going well and Sue was off her back so Mercedes figured her pseudo-sister could finally breathe a little.

"I know! But in all honesty it was Kurt's idea and it fit in so well with our narrative, I had to plant the stories. And it made Sam act right? He was jealous?"

Mercedes rubbed her arms up and down recapping her alone time with Sam. The snapshot of her and Jesse definitely had some effect on the handsome thief, probably spurring him to invite her as his date instead of a friendly plus one. Quinn glanced at her quickly and smiled again.

"I'll take your silence as a yes. Sam will continue to try and deepen your relationship if he's worried your ex is going to show up at anytime, it's just how men are. Besides, thanks to your disappearance and the absolute debauchery going on downstairs, I left our gifts for Sam and his friends in the house with no problems."

Mercedes nodded quickly. _So Quinn got the audio bugs into his house. Everywhere except his room I guess, since we were…occupying it._

"Good. Now we can go home and pass out?" She phrased it like a question but in reality Mercedes planned to drop into her bed and sleep like a baby.

* * *

 _Nearly Three Years Ago_

 _"Mercy…Mercy…Mercedes?" She groaned in response, and flipped over in bed, burrowing her face into the pillow, trying to avoid the noise threatening to pull her out of sleep._

 _"No…" She moaned._

 _"Yes." The voice whispered. Just when she thought the voice was leaving to torment someone,_ _ **anyone**_ _else, ten fingers attacked her sides, tickling her without compassion._

 _"No no no Jesse please!" She snorted and cackled, kicking her legs out and trying to get away from him. She slapped at him while tears rolled down her face, wheezing with laughter. Jesse laughed along with her and finally stopped, wiping the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs. "Good morning, baby girl."_

 _He lay above her, eyes kind and full of adoration. She framed his face with her hands and peppered kisses onto his forehead, cheeks, and chin. "Good morning you demon."_

 _"I think you mean gorgeous, dashing, specimen of a man." He pulled the satin cap off her head and snapped it through the bay window of their room. Mercedes gaped at him and smacked his bare bicep before sitting up to stare at Jesse dead in the eye._

 _"You touch my cap again and I'll shave your head while you sleep. And as handsome and dashing as you are, I don't really think you can pull off a baby bald head." As if to prove her point she ran her fingers through his thick brown hair before closing her fist in it and pulling him in, closing the gap between them. She kissed Jesse once, twice, before he pulled away. "I have very good bone structure" Jesse told her, the words almost getting lost when he pushed them straight into her lips in between more rushed kisses. The taste of her had Jesse growling, pushing her down once more and rocking his hips into her core. Mercedes moaned his name in response. Her hands slipped down from his hair to his neck and finally to his back, where her nails left red welts in their wake. He pulled off of her and wiggled his eyebrows._

 _"Ms. Jones, I am going to fuck you now. Just letting you know in advance." Mercedes laughed and reached into Jesse's pajama pants, palming at his straining cock._

 _"Message received Mr. St. James." she panted before pulling him out completely and aligning the head of his dick with her entrance, never breaking eye contact._

 _"Minet!" Jesse swore quickly, as he plunged into her slick heat. Mercedes raised her eyebrows in incredulity._

 _"Was that…Hungarian?" Jesse grabbed onto her hips then shook his head in response._

 _"No. Armenian."_

 _"Where did you learn Armenian?"_

 _"Armenia, sweet thing." He ceased their conversation with a rough thrust, and a sweet kiss._

 _XOXO_

 _"Baby listen, you're causing a scene and I can explain everything if you'd just let me!" Mercedes leveled the hand gun with Jesse's apologetic looking face._

 _"I don't give a fuck if all of Ibiza – shit if all of_ ** _Europe_** _– sees me blow your brains out of your fucking head St. James. You are a liar. Tell me everything now!"_

 _"Sweetness…" He began but stopped when Mercedes shook her head and flicked the safety off._

 _"No more games. The truth." She spat at him._

 _They had started this off so well, meeting on the plane, then finding out they were staying in the same hotel. Mercedes wanted to use her vacation well and nothing seemed like a better way to spend time then nights under and on top of a fellow tourist in a new place. So when she'd found the gun she was currently holding along with close to 50,000 pounds in his luggage she knew shit was going to hit the fan._

 _"I know what you're thinking, bab – Mercedes." He corrected himself. "But I'm not here to complete a hit on you, you don't have a burn notice. Sue just sent me here to watch you. You're relatively green and she needed someone you wouldn't recognize so I volunteered." Mercedes' stomach turned at his explanation, she'd been so_ ** _vulnerable_** _with him, she'd thought he was just some innocent if not incredibly suave civilian. Still, just to be sure…_

 _"Prove it."_

 _Jesse rolled his eyes but conceded._

 _"Madonna. Protein Powder. Sheer Unbridled Rage."_

 _Mercedes lowered the gun and relaxed her stance, there was no doubt now that Jesse was a C.H.E.E.R.I.O.S. operative. Only agents knew Sue's three favourite things, in that particular order._

 _"Was fucking me in your dossier?" She sneered at him. He winced at the acid in her voice._

 _"Of course not. I just lost control of the situation and I couldn't help myself." Jesse stepped closer and took his gun out of her hands. "You are beautiful and sexy and an amazing agent and I couldn't help but want to get close to you, in a less than professional way." He pecked her gently on the lips and was about to go for another one when she shoved him away from her._

 _"Get the fuck out of my hotel room Jesse."_

* * *

Mercedes did her best to clear the memories of her and Jesse in ibiza from her mind as she, Quinn, Santana and Kurt sat down to listen to the retrieved audio from the small microphones she planted the night of the party.

"Phaedra Marks? Yeah she's got some big pieces but nothing worth a whole heist Sam. Sure that little Amber chick isn't clouding your judgement?"

"Perfect." Kurt whispered and began taking notes on his tablet, eyes laser focused.

"Shut up Puck. You and I both know Phaedra's engaged now."

"To a prince no less." A man who Mercedes could only assume was Mike, chimed in.

"Exactly! Now I don't know about you two, but I'm _very_ interested in what Phaedra will be wearing on her finger at our little event." Mercedes shuddered at the quality of Sam's voice. He was the perfect gentleman to her, but the coldness in his voice solidified him as a criminal in her eyes. Why was he doing this? Sam and his friends were by no means struggling to make ends meet. So was it all for fun? She needed to know.

"One big ass diamond, that's for sure." Puck crowed in delight. Mercedes could almost picture his smile.

"Maybe even a family heirloom?" Mike sounded hopeful.

"Right? This'll be one of our best scores yet." Sam laughed.

 _I'm not so sure of that, Sam._

* * *

 **Wow…im sorry I wrote st. jones sex in a samcedes story before sam got to the good stuff AND I wrote more of it than I planned to. Anyhoo bisexual Puck because Glee seriously lacked bi representation. BRITTANY WAS NOT ENOUGH. Ah…Phaedra Marks is like…Gigi Hadid? Yeah, picture her that way. Reviews are love!**


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